Moving On

Eight months ago. I was coping with the death of someone dear to me, our relationship lasted for 3 years and 7 months. He was the greatest love of my life.

I was on night duty that day when I heard the news; ran's bestfriend called, her voice was a little shaky, I knew there’s something wrong. Then suddenly she burst into tears and told me that ran past away, in an instance there was an outburst of emotion, tears began to flood my eyes. How I remembered, I kept on cursing her; my voice was already trembling; I shouted “PUTANG INA WAG MO AKO BIBIRUIN NG GANYAN”, I beg her to take it back, that she’s joking. But she told me “WALA NA TALAGA SYA, INIWAN NA NIYA TAYO”. I felt numbed.

For the first time, I don’t give a damned what other people think. I cried the whole night; I was crying while doing my charting, I was crying while preparing the medications of my patients. It adds to my burden the facts that my BF just died and yet I cannot tell ANYONE about it…THE BITTER PRICE OF KEEPING MY IDENTITY.

After duty I went straight their house, it took 2 long hours of bus ride to get from my work to their house. On my way, there’s a sense of urgency to get there.

While walking the corridor going to his place my heart started to pound harder and harder as if it will reap my chest open. I’m trying to fool myself that he would still be sitting by the window, smiling and waiting for me like he always does.

Finally I arrived, I saw a white casket I can’t barely breathed, I embraced his coffin. I uttered a loud cry of grievance. People around us began to cry too.

It’s true "TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS." Six months after I recovered. It’s hard. I had lots of regrets but it’s too late for that. What’s important is I learned. I missed HIM. So I thought I will never love again.